Like any community or industry where most of the consumers are after quick-fixes and instant results, the seduction community definitely has its fair share of myths, mistruths, and sometimes outright lies. Some of these are obvious, but many elude even seasoned veterans of this industry. Combine ambiguity and vagueness in content and material, marketing hype, and even intentional misinformation, and what you get is an industry where the average consumer is understandably lost.
Like the spot training myth of the fitness industry, many of these community myths come about as a result of aggressive marketing campaigns and outright dishonest sales copy hype.
Let’s take a look at Part 1 of the Top 10 Worst Myths in the Seduction Community.
10. The main purpose of canned routines is to get a reaction/result when talking to women (get attraction, open the set, etc)
It’s not that I don’t like or use canned (e.g. prescripted) routines. It’s that nobody really understands what they’re used for. I wrote a long post about this earlier in the year to address the problem, but I’d bet that most people reading this still think that routines are used to get a result. An opener is used to open the set. A DHV story is used to get attraction. A comfort routine is used to build comfort. Makes sense, right? If only it were that simple. Like most things in pickup, the truth is pretty counter-intuitive. The purpose of routines is to teach you a skill. It’s not to get a result. If that sounds weird or confusing, check out the full length article.
9. DHV Stories
Almost a decade ago, Mystery pioneered this idea of the DHV — a demonstration of higher value. And while it was little more than very sophisicated and subtle supplication, the theory was founded on critical ideas — that women paid more attention to your subtext (what you said between the lines) than your overt communication. We took advantage of this by ’embedding’ DHVs into our stories to convey attractive qualities about us. Now on some level we eventually realized that we were still in the same boat of trying to impress women, which we know today to be a very ineffective and unattractive mindset. But regardless of what we were doing, the stories seemed to get results, so screw all the naysayers, right?
I’ll be explaining the full details on this phenomenon in a future article coming in the next few weeks, but the basic premise is this: DHV stories don’t actually work as a result of the “embedded” DHV qualities. They work because you’re leading, you are confident, and you’re socially calibrated. What we thought was making them work was all wrong. Stay tuned for the full details on that in a few weeks. For now you’ll have to just trust me on this one.
8. You should never buy a drink or dinner or be nice to a girl
Oooo, this one’s a doozy. This one has been debunked so many damn times, but to this day I still see guys making this mistake. It’s the old, “don’t supplicate to her” rule, and it’s vastly misinterpreted. It’s not that you should never buy a drink (or dinner, or be nice) to/for a girl. It’s that you shouldn’t buy her attention or otherwise try to impress her by buying things for her or being overly nice to her. In other words, treat her like a good friend. If you’re talking to her for an hour and you want to grab a drink, offer her one too. If you invite a girl to dinner (which you shouldn’t do in the first place, but that’s beside the point), pick up the tab when the check comes. It’s called being polite and not being cheap and petty, and if you forget about that, you’ll lose way more attraction for that than you ever would have because of some arbitrary pickup law. In a woman’s mind, there are very few things more unattractive than you being a cheapass. In the same vein, being a jerk to a girl because you don’t want her to think you’re ‘supplicating’ is also ineffective and bad form. (That said, do not buy her a drink if she demands it unless she has a damn good reason.)
7. The One True Way Method
This one comes from the Magic Bullets ebook. Like football and religion (and well, most everything in a guy’s life), it’s really easy to get into something and pick a favorite ‘team’ and dogmatically follow their advice/path/career as the “One True Way.” Every theist-based religion revolves around this, as does sports, systems of government, programming platforms, operating systems, and countless other things. The problem, of course, is that it creates blind spots inherent in the group think mentality. Simply put, the One True Way fallacy means you follow one system, one guru, one method to the exclusion of all other methods. And we’ve already seen that that that didn’t work so well in the UFC. That’s why everyone in the UFC practices “Mixed Martial Arts” now instead of “boxing” or “karate.”
Pickup is the same way. Every style or methodology has certain strengths and weaknesses. Some apply better to sexually confident men. Others apply better to socially maladjusted men. But no system is ideal for everyone, or it would have to be so vague and open ended that it would be worthless (which is why I teach fundamentals rather than a system). The danger in following the ‘one true way’ is the same as trying it in the UFC — no matter how good you are at your discipline, you’ll eventually plateau (or more likely, get your ass handed to you) when your blind spots start to hold you back. Think of what happens when a boxer gets taken to the ground. Or when a wrestler can’t get in close enough to take down a stand up fighter. The same concept applies to schools of pickup.
6. All you need is Inner Game/Outer Game/Lifestyle/Social Proof/etc.
Similar to the One True Way, a lot of gurus and systems try to oversimplify the complexity of human interactions into a nice, compact, “all you need is X” type of formula. You’ve all heard it before.
“All you need is inner game. You don’t need to go out, you don’t need to change anything, you just have to have inner game. Do my 10 positive affirmations in your mom’s basement where you live and you will be the MAN by next week!”
Riiiiiiight. The same applies to outer game, lifestyle, social proof, or any other concept. It’s just not true. Maybe for a single isolated context it might be correct, but across the board it’s nothing more than a fantasy we’d all like to believe in. Don’t get sucked up into the hype. Run far and run fast from anyone who broadly claims that, ‘All you need to be successful is X.’ Unless of course, that ‘X’ is ‘everything.’
Agree with these myths? Disagree? Sound off in the comments!.Posted on November 29, 2010