Written by DJ Fuji         Topics: General

Welcome to the Tao of DJ Fuji.

If you’re a regular reader, welcome back. You’ll notice we’ve moved things around a bit from the old site.

And if you’re new here, welcome to the blog. As you might have surmised, my team and I are a group of motivational speakers, personal development coaches, and social skills/social intelligence instructors who are dedicated to changing the lives of our clients. If you’re interested in learning more, you may want to start with our about page.

If you’re ready to make change in your own life, take a look to see if our coaching programs are right for you.



Written by DJ Fuji         Topics: Uncategorized


Even though our training nowadays is almost entirely done privately and by application only, I still do read all of your emails, and one of the most common questions I still get is something along the lines of, “Fuji, I feel like I’m completely lost in terms of what to do when I’m on a date or talking to a woman I want to get to know.”

This was such a common question that years ago I actually created a roadmap that maps out 5 main phases with 3 sub-steps in each phase, making 15 total steps. These 5 phases/15 steps map out the logical, emotional, and logistical steps encompassing most dating-type interactions (especially “cold approach” interactions) in western countries.

For years this “5 phase structure” was something only available to my private coaching members. But I’ve decided today to release it to the public, in part so that I can link to it whenever I get asked this question. So for those of you guys out there wondering the same thing, here’s your answer.

The 5-Phase Basic Structure

[Read More]


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Written by DJ Fuji         Topics: Social Skills

One of the most common conversation-related questions we receive from clients is, “How do I avoid running out of things to say in social situations?”

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. A Google search of “running out of things to say” returns 187 MILLION results.

Of course, this is all too familiar to us because it’s something every single one of our coaches have experienced as well. It’s actually very important to us to have coaches who have gone through the same trials and tribulations as our clients, because we can truly empathize and can provide solutions that worked personally for us as well as thousands of students in the past.

Identifying the Problem

There’s an interesting element to this issue, and that’s that it is not constant. It seems to only happen in certain situations. For most of us, we don’t experience this issue with our close friends or family, even when we’ve exhausted almost every possible conversational topic with these people. So why does it happen so frequently with strangers then? Shouldn’t there be MORE to talk about given that we know less about strangers and have more to discover about them?

Well, yes, but the reason you freeze up and “run out of things to say” when in social situations isn’t because of a lack of content.

Notice how a few drinks instantly solves that problem, and the drinks don’t give you “additional” content.

Though apparently they give you a sombrero and make you adorable.


Clearly, then, the problem is psychological or anxiety-based.

But we know more than that. Our findings (which coincide with those found in Maxwell Maltz’s best-selling Psycho Cybernetics) from training thousands of students show that almost all of the “freezing up” issues happen as a result of [Read More]

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Written by DJ Fuji         Topics: Current Events

Everyone thinks Black Friday weekend (and the accompanying holiday season) is great for deals.

What they don’t realize is that it’s even better if you’re learning how to improve your dating life.

Dating is a skill like anything else. And if you want to succeed at it, it’s a skill that you must be either born with or that you must learn. This holiday season, go out but don’t bother actually shopping unless you really need to buy something. Instead, go out and approach women.

There are droves of women shopping this weekend and very few of them will be approached because all of the men are at electronics stores or at home playing xbox one (spoiler: Call of Duty Ghosts sucked).

When it comes to dating, there’s something that pros understand that amateurs rarely get:
[Read More]



Written by DJ Fuji         Topics: General

This past weekend marked both the Marine Corps 237th Birthday and Veteran’s Day. If you happened to see a bunch of Marines in uniform recently, that’s why.

Every year on 10 November, Marines around the world celebrate the Marine Corps Birthday. It is one of many traditions that bind Marines together as brothers-in-arms.

I want to take a moment to not only say “Happy Birthday” to my fellow Marines out there, but to also thank those who have served, who are serving, and who continue to serve in the Armed Forces. Your sacrifice and dedication to duty does not go unappreciated.

From time to time I’ll have veterans (and some active duty) military personnel sign up for my training and programs and services. It’s always an honor and a pleasure to work with military guys (and in particular, Marines) because they’re disciplined, motivated, and know what it means to give it everything they’ve got. That’s what makes them successful in the military, and it’s what will make them successful at dating

It’s not listed on the site (though it should be), but military/law enforcement/fire always get a 10% discount on any of my services. This year, though, I’d like to start a tradition of my own. For the entire month of November, all military personnel (active/reserve/veterans) can take a 20% discount on any of my services or products. And for those Marines out there who are interested in training, contact me and I’ll put something special together for you.

Semper Fidelis..



Written by DJ Fuji         Topics: General

I stopped by a local dating advice forum the other day and a bunch of guys were debating whether online dating was useful if you weren’t tall, good looking, white, etc. I’ve actually gotten this question a LOT recently so thought I’d finally put it to rest. [Read More]


July 3, 2012

The Congruence Paradox


Written by DJ Fuji         Topics: Pickup

dos equis paradox

One of the biggest misunderstandings in the world of dating instruction (and by association, the larger self-improvement world) is the belief that one must always be “congruent.” Specifically, the idea that what you say and how you say it or who you are should always match up. So in other words, if you say something that a “cool” person would say but you don’t seem or act “cool,” then you’re incongruent and people see right through your words.

This concept was originally popularized by Erik “Mystery” von Markovic and was revolutionary in its time for explaining why just saying the right lines wasn’t enough to drastically improve your interactions with women.

But along the way, congruence became something that people started to use as an excuse for why they couldn’t improve. It became a way of holding themselves back. Men learning how to improve their dating lives began striving for congruence not by improving themselves and learning to be confident with what they were saying, but by simply not saying or doing anything that didn’t match up with their existing persona. [Read More]